For the past few days, i have been doing things myself. I guess i was trying to get use to the life of being alone and lonely, just in case i end up being a spinster in my latter life. haha!! Yea, i know you guys must be thinking wtf! and why i am having this thought at such a 'young' age.
Well, for me, i wouldn't think of myself as 'young' anymore. As what Britney would say, i'm not a girl, not yet a woman. But i guess i can safely say that i'm an adult now. You know, at my age, my parents are already married and had concieved me already. Your head its probably screaming to yourself saying this to me, 'This is the 21st century dude!! People DON'T get married at such young age anymore!!'. I guess the problem with me its that i've been stressing myself too much lately thinking if i will ever find myself a life companion.
I've been trying to keep myself as busy as a bee to keep my mind off things. Some people genuinely enjoy their job and they like to spend their time working or they're just purely a workaholic. I guess i'm neither both. I would say that i enjoy my job, but i don't like to spend my time at work because i'm usually very free at work doing my own things like surfing the net, going for shopping, having lunch/tea with friends and etc. You don't call that working right? But sometimes, there's days that i'm unusually really busy at work which i really much prefer it to be that way. I'm earning by commission base, so busy = more money.
Nowadays, regardless if i'm busy at work or not, i really hate it when i'm off work, it's the end of the day and it's time to go home. Everyday after work, i'll think of what i am gonna do later and knowing that i have trouble sleeping early every night really ticked me off. You see, I'm a thinker. I have too many things in my mind all the time when i'm off work, alone or during my free time. And that ticked me off too! I'd really like it if i can be at the salon 24/7 with lots of work and clients to service, so that i will not have the time to think at all. But in reality, we all know that, that is too much for a normal human being to endure. So, we'll just erase that part off..
So, i have been doing all sorts of things to keep myself really busy lately. On Monday, i had no choice but to work full day from 10am-9pm because i had a 10am appointment (WTF! I hate waking up early in the morning!!) By the end of the day, i was so mentally tired because i didn't have enough sleep the night before (what's new!). I left work about 8pm because there's no more clients and thought that i will hit the gym after.
I went home, packed my gym bag and head to Pyramid. But when i reach the mall, i was procrastinating a little because i was feeling a little lazy. So, before i hit the gym, i was walking around the mall, directionless and ended in the MPH bookstore. I walked in the bookstore and automatically, i was heading to the self help book section and that felt a little weird. I was actually picking up books that are titled 'How to make yourself happy?', 'Wake up happy every morning', 'It's your choice to be happy'! WTF right? I started thinking to myself, 'WTF is wrong with you!! This is ridiculous!! Do you actually need to read a book to find ways to make yourself happy??'. Seriously, i have not been genuinely happy for quite awhile until i went for a holiday and when the holiday is over, everything is back to reality. All these while, i have been understating the statement of REALITY BITES! And now i know, they actually do!!
Just as i realize that nothing is going to change the reality even if i read those books, i decided to drop everything and go straight to the gym. I was really pushing my limits doing cardio until i could feel my muscle pain/sore but still pushing myself to do further. The chances of hurting myself is really high, i know, but i just couldn't stop it because at that time, i was concentrating too much on the pain, rather than what's up in my head. After gym, it was still early about 11.30pm. I know i wouldn't be able to sleep early if i were to go home, ignoring the pain on my arms, i decided to go to the driving range. After hitting a 100 balls, i went home flat.
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